ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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