I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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