My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mom said you looked used
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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