I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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