I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
