Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
