I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
