PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
