It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
