what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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