THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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