His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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