Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
