Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
