JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
