my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
