this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
