So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
