I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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