my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
