look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
