I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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