Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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