worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
