It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
