So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
