Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its about making memories worth repressing
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
