I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
