No awkward lesbian experiences without me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
