Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
