U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
