i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
