i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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