I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
