Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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