god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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