Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
