I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
