just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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