What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
