we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
