I love black thongs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
