Heybabeimwearingurpanties
her vagine was all disorganized.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
