Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
