id be glad to
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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