i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
