eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
