I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
