Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
