Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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